


reaction formation

by Rei_Rei (anti60ne)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 02:31:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anti60ne/pseuds/Rei_Rei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>reaction formation (n.): "a defense mechanism by which an objectionable impulse is expressed in an opposite or contrasting behavior."</p>
            </blockquote>





	reaction formation

**pairing:** jongin/luhan  
 **genre:** crack  
 **rating:** pg13  
 **word count:** 2108  
 **summary:** reaction formation (n.): "a defense mechanism by which an objectionable impulse is expressed in an opposite or contrasting behavior."  
[ft. taemin]

"ARGHHHHH!"

Jongin slams his laptop shut and struggles to stop himself from hurling it across the room.

"Luhan Luhan Luhan. I don't give a shit and I'm sick of your doucheface goddammit," Jongin growls as he ruffles up his hair in frustration.

Luhan is everywhere. Rather, his _face_ is everywhere, the face that has rapidly captivated the masses ever since its first appearance with a boy band called EXO-M ( _What kind of a name is EXO-M, anyway? And is the M supposed to stand for something? Like are they trying to prove their **m** anliness? Pfffttt,_ Jongin scorns) merely a few months ago. Now, not only is the kpop group topping the music charts, they have also become the go-to idols for advertisements, magazine shoots, variety shows, radio talks, and virtually every event in the media. You name it, and the chances are that they have appeared on it at least once. Luhan, in particular, lives up to the expectation of being the face of the group. His—shall we say, _flawless_ —face easily earned him the reputation of a flower boy. Straight girls and gays go gaga over him, while straight guys contemptuously snigger at the pretty face but secretly wish their genome was better arranged (and lesbians just don't care but they can't deny how aesthetically pleasing those features are). Basically, 99.99% of _Homo sapiens_ undergoes some sort of chemical change upon seeing Luhan's face.

Jongin, however, is his own category, occupying that 0.01%. He hates Luhan with a passion.

It all started when his best friend, Taemin, showed him a music video of EXO-M, and then proceeded to squeak in his face for unknown reasons.

"Holy fuck," Jongin flinched as buzzing filled his ears for a few seconds. "What is your problem?"

"Just LOOK at him, oh my god," Taemin sighed, cupping his own face, unblinking eyes fixed on the computer screen. " _He's perfect._ "

Jongin swore he saw saliva pooling at the corner of Taemin's parted mouth. He scrunched up his face in disgust.

"Who? And close your mouth, you look like an idiot."

Taemin ignored the derogatory remark and jabbed an index finger on the monitor. "Luhan!! Are you blind or something?? _God,_ " Taemin scoffed and side-eyed Jongin.

Only then did Jongin take a good look at this Luhan person, because to be quite honest, he had been daydreaming about having fried chicken later instead of actually watching the video.

"Isn't that a girl? I thought they were all g–OW dude what the fuck??" Jongin rubbed the back of his head where it had earned a rightful smack from an indignant Taemin, who was so offended by Jongin's "heartless, dumb comment" that he launched into a tirade about what a "boring penisface" Jongin was and how Jongin was "completely incapable of appreciating God's masterpiece," at which point Jongin mentally checked out and returned to fantasizing about processed poultry.

Since then, Jongin hasn't been able to escape one day from a mention of Luhan (usually from Taemin, but sometimes from a satanic technology called TV) or a glimpse of Luhan's face, which is plastered on billboards, magazine covers, and five-floor-tall posters outside the SME building.

Two weeks after he came to know Luhan's existence, Jongin puts away the remote control and stops watching TV altogether.

A month after, he stops listening to Shimshimtapa and Cool FM, which makes him bleed a little inside because those are his favorite stations. Then he stops listening to the radio altogether too.

Two months after, he stops going on Facebook because not only Taemin, but his entire timeline is inundated with pictures and videos of EXO-M whenver he logs on. Being a social media junkie, Jongin switches to Tumblr instead, but he quickly realizes that it was a huge mistake; there are literally a shit ton of Luhan in all forms of graphics on the blue-backgrounded website.

Three months after, which is the present day, he finds himself considering becoming a hermit and taking shelter in a cave somewhere void of all technologies and contact with society.

That's how much Jongin hates Luhan('s face). Then, approximately three months and 14 days since Jongin first saw Luhan's face, Jongin graduates with a diploma graced with his name and the words "Dance Major." A few weeks prior to graduation, he was scouted by a major dance company, and Jongin, for once, basks in the sunshines and lollipops of being freed from the prison that is called school with a confirmed job offer for his passion.

The day of the graduation ceremony, Taemin proposes hitting up Mansion later, an idea quickly seconded by everyone. But when they arrive at the entrance, the group is met by lines that wrap around the block. They would have to wait for at least 45 minutes to an hour to get in.

"What the hell?" Jongin frowns as he surveys the unusual size of the crowd. "Mansion never has this many people." Taemin strolls up to the bouncer, whom he knows from junior high school, and asks what the deal is.

"Oh, you guys didn't hear? Some EXO-M members are here for a promo," the bouncer replies offhandedly with a shrug, his eyes trained on the queue inching forward.

".........." Jongin is stumped while Taemin slips into a fleeting state of shock before releasing a squeal, earning a glare from Jongin.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod," Taemin gushes while smacking Jongin on the arm out of excitement, his eyes glistening in anticipation. "Do you think Luhan is inside?? Oh god I can't breathe, help me," Taemin whimpers as he clutches Jongin's shirt. Jongin stares and blinks at his friend.

"... you are clearly hopeless," Jongin rolls his eyes and scoffs, then he realizes his conundrum. He'd rather have a wushu staff shoved up his ass than risk being in Luhan's proximity, as if the singer is SARS version 2.0, in addition to having to put up with Taemin when he morphs (effortlessly) into a delusional and raged fanboy. But Jongin also wants to enjoy his curfew-lifted night out and celebrate graduation with his closest friends.

Oh, the dilemma of being a Luhan anti.

So Jongin decides to enter a bet with Taemin: If they get in after 30 minutes ( _not one second later, or it's foul_ ) of waiting, then Jongin will stay, Luhan or no Luhan. But if Jongin's foot is still outside the door by the 1801st second, they're switching clubs. Taemin readily agrees (after surreptitiously slipping a couple ₩1,000 bills to the bouncer).

When Taemin pushes him inside the door right as his watch beeps at the 1800th second, Jongin is convinced that God just loves fucking around with him ( _This is a very sick joke you're playing, Big Guy. You're SICK,_ Jongin fumes).

But Jongin is determined to have a blast and not let Luhan (or the mere possibility of being in the same confined space with him) take away his fun. So, rather stupidly in hindsight as he will wake up with a headsplitting migraine the next morning, Jongin heads straight to the bar and chugs down a soju bomb without a beat. It being his first "real" alcoholic drink (no having diluted makgeolli under his father's eagle watch doesn't count), Jongin is instantly buzzed, blood rushing a little too quickly to his head. He widens his eyes and blinks sluggishly as he strains to see past blurred doubles of swaying shadows. But by this point, he could care less, and, oblivious to Taemin's shouting next to his ear (partly due to the booming bass and partly the alcohol's doing), Jongin saunters onto the dance floor and mingles in the mass of sweaty bodies, miraculously unscathed by stomping six-inch stilettoes.

He feels much, _much_ better now that he doesn't feel anything but music and alcohol surging through his veins and nerves. Jongin loses himself, letting his years-trained body do the work with a detached consciousness. His feet only carry him off the dance floor when his thirst becomes unbearable.

"See? I'm still having fun even if that doucheface of Luhan is here." Standing by the bar, Jongin screams into the neon lights skittering across his face as he raises a glass of Long Island in a sarcastic toast.

"I'm sorry?"

Jongin slowly rolls his head around to the voice beside him.

"Hey... you look familiar," Jongin narrows his eyes at the stranger, or more precisely, Luhan himself, donned in an inconspicuous all-black outfit and a grey cap pulled down just above his eyelashes. Jongin squeezes his eyes and struggles to blink away the doubles. He fails magnificently.

Luhan chuckles. _Cute. Shitfaced, but cute nonetheless,_ Luhan thinks with an amused upturn of lips.

"Nah, you must have me mistaken with someone else," Luhan plays along. "So... why is Luhan a doucheface?"

"Oh, _pfffffft_ ," Jongin's eyes furiously roll upward. He sets his glass down on the bar and turns sideway toward Luhan, perching his lopsided head on one hand. "He's just... ugh, I don't even know where to begin," Jongin groans, visibly disgruntled as if he's being forced to solve a calculus problem.

Luhan pulls his lips inward to restrain a laugh. Jongin squints at what he thinks is a miniature T. rex dancing on the Bacardi bottle behind the bartender, and continues in vodka-infused drawls.

" _Well,_ he's obviously a girl, for one," (Luhan blinks rapidly) "I mean, he's way too pretty to be a guy, yerknowwattamean?" (Luhan hums in feigned agreement) "Maybe he's one of those... whatchamacallit. Not shemale but," (Luhan widens his eyes in horror) "Meh I can't remember. Those dancers in Thailand." (Luhan stares at Jongin incredulously, but soon decides to take it as a compliment.) "And like, what's up with his eyes? Why are they always so sparkly? ( _That's rather observant of you,_ Luhan notes) "Who does he think he is? A fairy? Does the guy put eyedrops every hour or something?" ( _Well, no, but that's a legit assumption, I suppose_ ) "And why is he so damn pale? It has to be like, makeup, right? What's it called again? BB cream or some shit?" ( _You might be thinking of Yixing or Kris... but okay, I guess I'm also pretty pale_ ) "I hate how his eyes crinkle when he laughs, it's annoyingly cute. I mean, it's cutely annoying. No, what I _really_ mean is, it's annoying. Yeah."

By this time, Luhan is silently watching Jongin rambling on and on about the 10 things he hates about Luhan, none of which are legitimate or make any remote sense. But Luhan doesn't mind. A grin creeps up on his face without him knowing, and, 30 minutes later, Luhan finds himself still leaning against the bar, beside a babbling drunkard, his head cocked to the side and genuinely interested in what Jongin thinks of him.

Then out of nowhere, Jongin feels a weight smashed into his back, jolting him forward. He blinks a few times and peers at the attacker.

"Jongin!!!" Taemin shouts above the music. "Yah! I've been looking all over for you!!"

Jongin opens his mouth to retort (though his mind is completely blank) when Taemin shrieks with his face centimeters away from Jongin's ears.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD"

Taemin's jaw drops irretrievably on the floor as he flings Jongin to the side, his eyes bulging out at the person next to his semi-conscious friend while Jongin rubs at his ears roughly.

"Jesus, now what??" Jongin growls, somewhat sobered up by the unsolicited scream.

Taemin whips his head toward Jongin with wide eyes. "You..." He looks from Jongin to an extremely entertained Luhan, then back to a still confused Jongin. "... you have no idea you've been talking to Luhan?"

"........."

Jongin blinks, his eyelids fluttering in utter bewilderment. His vision clears much quickly this time, and he no longer sees doubles when his eyes zoom in and focus on the face before him.

"What the fuck."

"Hi, I'm Luhan the doucheface, and you're... Jongin, right?"

Jongin stares at the grinning face that's too gorgeous to belong to a human being, and suddenly feels like the air is too thick, and he can't breathe or think properly. Before he mentally checks in again, he feels himself pulled toward the dance floor.

"C'mon, I'd hate to be an actual douche and ruin your night," Luhan flashes him a smile (complemented by a wink, and Jongin withers a little inside) as he turns around, his hand tugging on Jongin's.

 _I don't think that's possible anymore,_ a voice pops up inside Jongin's head when the song registers. It's an edm remix of EXO-M's debut song, MAMA. It's also the song of the music video when Jongin first saw Luhan's face.

 

A/N: possibly the first of a psych ficlet series. we shall see where the wind of creativity takes me.


End file.
